Welcome to Physician Humor. This area is intended to lighten all of our days and poke fun at ourselves. We invite members and friends to contribute cartoons, jokes and stories in good taste, and links to humor on other sites.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. That night at dinner she does put the pill in his food. About a week later, she's back at the doctor's office. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said. It wasn't very long before he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off, and ravages me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I'm sorry. We didn't realize that the pill was that strong. The Foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Naah...," she says, "that's okay. We aren't going back to Denny's anyway."

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
2. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused an autopsy.
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
13. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
14. She is numb from her toes down.
15. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
16. The skin was moist and dry.
17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
19. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (ouch!)
20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her adult life, until she got a divorce.
21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
22. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
23. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
24. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
25. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
26. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
27. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
28. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
29. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
30. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.